Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil comes up with some pretty good advice sometimes. I love this quote - I identify with it.
I am by nature a "right finder". = ) But, after hitting my head into the brick wall for about a million times, I finally decided my "right finding" wasn't working too well. Dr. Phil also has another quote that goes along with this:
"You can be right, or you can be happy."
Dr. Phil is a smart man, but he didn't come up with these wise thoughts all by himself.
GOD said it first. = )
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| Familiar? |
But the Bible says:
Don't pay back evil with evil.
But Lord, did You just hear what he said to me? Surely You don't expect me to stand here and take this unjust treatment! I'm right and he's wrong. I don't have to put up with his verbal abuse, do I? Really, do I?
And Jesus answered me, ""Carol, don't pay back evil with evil. Don't pay back unkind words with unkind words. Where does that get you? Just because he's acting like a jerk doesn't give you the right to act like a jerk, too. Instead, Carol, I expect more from you. I want you to respond with kindness and gentleness. I want you to leave retaliation to me.
You see, I have chosen you to be a peacemaker. Can you do that for me? Remember, sweet child, I did this for you. I did not retaliate when I was verbally attacked and insulted. I did not open my mouth to justify myself to my accusers. I took their unkind words, their brutal attack - even though it was unjust, and I didn't say a word. You say you don't deserve the verbal attack, right? Did I? But instead of lashing back in my defense, I left justice and retaliation to my Father who was witnessing the whole unfair, unjust treatment. I trusted Him to be my Defender, and I want you to trust Him to be your Defender, just like I showed you. And now, Carol, I'm sitting at the right hand of my Father, a place of honor and glory."
I thought about what Jesus said. I guess if HE could refuse to retaliate with all the unfair treatment He experienced, surely I could follow His example.
It took a while and lots of practice, but now, most of the time, I can respond instead of react to the unfair verbal attacks. I learned to remain calm and to speak with love - not anger or harshness. It was not easy at first. It just didn't come naturally.
The Enemy was always whispering "it's not fair, and he needs to know he's wrong about this! He needs to be put in his place! Tell him! You'll feel better if you get it off your chest!" And, of course, I agreed! My human nature wanted to get right back in the face of my attacker! I wanted to set him straight. But no matter how right I was, my attacker was never going to see my side with my finger pointing in his chest and my angry words lashing out. Think about it. Do you respond well to an attack? If I wanted him to hear me, I had to be calm and speak with love - not defensively and not with anger.
I still mess up sometimes, but, once again, I have found that God's way is the best way. My "attacker" didn't trust my new reaction for a while, but eventually, he saw that I was not going to lose my cool. He saw me responding with kindness, and guess what? He responded by cooling down much quicker. Now, the few times he might verbally attack, he quickly catches himself and apologizes. But even if he doesn't, I will not retaliate because I want to honor Jesus for all He did for me. Peter makes it clear in 1 Peter 3, Jesus never wants me to get in a shouting match - even when I'm in the right. And when I manage to obey His directions, He blesses me.
I Peter 2
21 Christ suffered for you. He left you an example. He expects you to follow in his steps. You too were chosen to suffer. 22 Scripture says,
"He didn't commit any sin. No lies ever came out of his mouth." —(Isaiah 53:9)
23 People shouted at Him and made fun of Him. But he didn't do the same back to them. He suffered. But He didn't say that bad things would happen to them. Instead, He trusted in the One who judges fairly.
24 He himself carried our sins in his body on the cross. He did it so that we would die as far as sins are concerned. Then we would lead godly lives. His wounds have made you whole.
So, that's what Jesus did. Here's what I'm supposed to do.
I Peter 3
8 Finally, I want all of you to live together in peace. Be understanding. Love one another like members of the same family. Be kind and tender. Don't be proud.
9 Don't pay back evil with evil. Don't pay back unkind words with unkind words. Instead, pay them back with kind words. That's what you have been chosen to do. You can receive a blessing by doing it.
10 Scripture says, "Do you want to love life and see good days? Then keep your tongues from speaking evil. Keep your lips from telling lies.
11 Turn away from evil, and do good. Look for peace, and go after it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.
13 Who is going to hurt you if you really want to do good?
14 But suppose you suffer for doing what is right. Then you will be blessed. Scripture also says, "Don't fear what others fear. Don't be afraid."#1(Isaiah 8:12)#2
5 But make sure in your hearts that Christ is Lord. Always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks you about the hope you have. Be ready to give the reason for it. But do it gently and with respect.
16 Live so that you don't have to feel you've done anything wrong. Some people may say evil things about your good conduct as believers in Christ. If they do, they will be put to shame for speaking like that about you.
17 It is better to suffer for doing good than for doing evil if that's what God wants. 1
8 Christ died for sins once and for all time. The One who did what is right died for those who don't do right. He died to bring you to God. His body was put to death. But the Holy Spirit brought him back to life.
19 By means of the Spirit, Christ went and preached to the spirits in prison. 20 Long ago they did not obey. God was patient while Noah was building the ark. He waited, but only a few people went into the ark. A total of eight were saved by means of water. 21 The water of the flood is a picture of the baptism that now saves you also. The baptism I'm talking about has nothing to do with removing dirt from your body. Instead, it promises God that you will keep a clear sense of what is right and wrong. Jesus Christ has saved you by rising from the dead. 22 He has gone into heaven. He is at God's right hand. Angels, authorities, and powers are under his control.
I know it's hard but it really does work if it's done with consistency. Obviously, there are times when the assault can become physically threatening. Safety is a priority, so remove yourself from possible physical harm. Verbal attacks can be just as harmful as physical attacks to our spirits, but if we learn how to respond as Christ did, maybe we can be His instrument for peace.
http://youtu.be/EPDPUoxylP4 - Be Still My Soul - Selah
"arguing photo" from http://www.helpfromsurvivors.com/
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