Are you a "right fighter"?  How is that working for you?
                                                                                             Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil comes up with some pretty good advice sometimes.  I love this quote - I identify with it.
I am by nature a "right finder".   = )   But, after hitting my head into the brick wall for about a million times, I finally decided my "right finding" wasn't working too well.  Dr. Phil also has another quote that goes along with this:

"You can be right, or you can be happy."   

Dr. Phil is a smart man, but he didn't come up with these wise thoughts all by himself. 

GOD said it first.  = )

Familiar?

It's so hard to be attacked unjustly, isn't it?  Everything in me just boils up to the surface, ready to spew out of my mouth! I can give as good as I get  when it comes to words.  And I feel totally justified in defending myself when I'm being verbally assaulted - especially when I know I'm in the right.

But the Bible says:

Don't pay back evil with evil.

But Lord, did You just hear what he said to me?   Surely You don't expect me to stand here and take this unjust treatment!  I'm right and he's wrong.  I don't have to put up with his verbal abuse, do I?  Really, do I?

And Jesus answered me, ""Carol, don't pay back evil with evil.  Don't pay back unkind words with unkind words. Where does that get you?  Just because he's acting like a jerk doesn't give you the right to act like a jerk, too.   Instead, Carol, I expect more from you.  I want you to respond with kindness and gentleness.  I want you to leave retaliation to me. 

You see,  I have chosen you to be a peacemaker.  Can you do that for me?  Remember, sweet child, I did this for you.  I did not retaliate when I was verbally attacked and insulted.  I did not open my mouth to justify myself to my accusers.  I took their unkind words, their brutal attack - even though it was unjust, and I didn't say a word.  You say you don't deserve the verbal attack, right?  Did I?  But instead of lashing back in my defense, I left justice and retaliation to my Father who was witnessing the whole unfair, unjust treatment.  I trusted Him to be my Defender, and I want you to trust Him to be your Defender, just like I showed you.  And now, Carol, I'm sitting at the right hand of my Father, a place of honor and glory."

I thought about what Jesus said.  I guess if HE could refuse to retaliate with all the unfair treatment He experienced, surely I could follow His example. 

It took a while and lots of practice, but now, most of the time, I can respond instead of react to the unfair verbal attacks.  I learned to remain calm and to speak with love - not anger or harshness.  It was not easy at first.  It just didn't come naturally. 

The Enemy was always whispering "it's not fair, and he needs to know he's wrong about this!  He needs to be put in his place!  Tell him!  You'll feel better if you get it off your chest!"  And, of course,  I agreed!  My human nature wanted to get right back in the face of my attacker!  I wanted to set him straight.  But no matter how right I was, my attacker was never going to see my side with my finger pointing in his chest and my angry words lashing out.  Think about it.  Do you respond well to an attack?   If I wanted him to hear me, I had to be calm and speak with love - not defensively and not with anger.

I still mess up sometimes, but, once again, I have found that God's way is the best way.  My "attacker" didn't trust my new reaction for a while, but eventually, he saw that I was not going to lose my cool.  He saw me responding with kindness, and guess what?  He responded by cooling down much quicker.  Now, the few times he might verbally attack, he quickly catches himself and apologizes.  But even if he doesn't, I will not retaliate because I want to honor Jesus for all He did for me.  Peter makes it clear in 1 Peter 3, Jesus never wants me to get in a shouting match - even when I'm in the right.  And when I manage to obey His directions, He blesses me.

I Peter 2
²¹ Christ suffered for you. He left you an example. He expects you to follow in his steps. You too were chosen to suffer. ²² Scripture says,
  
"He didn't commit any sin. No lies ever came out of his mouth." —(Isaiah 53:9)

²³ People shouted at Him and made fun of Him. But he didn't do the same back to them. He suffered. But He didn't say that bad things would happen to them. Instead, He trusted in the One who judges fairly.
²⁴ He himself carried our sins in his body on the cross. He did it so that we would die as far as sins are concerned. Then we would lead godly lives. His wounds have made you whole.

So, that's what Jesus did.  Here's what I'm supposed to do.

I Peter 3
8 Finally, I want all of you to live together in peace. Be understanding. Love one another like members of the same family. Be kind and tender. Don't be proud.  

9 Don't pay back evil with evil. Don't pay back unkind words with unkind words. Instead, pay them back with kind words. That's what you have been chosen to do. You can receive a blessing by doing it.  

10 Scripture says, "Do you want to love life and see good days? Then keep your tongues from speaking evil. Keep your lips from telling lies.  

11 Turn away from evil, and do good. Look for peace, and go after it.  

12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

13 Who is going to hurt you if you really want to do good?  
14 But suppose you suffer for doing what is right. Then you will be blessed. Scripture also says, "Don't fear what others fear. Don't be afraid."#1(Isaiah 8:12)#2  

5 But make sure in your hearts that Christ is Lord. Always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks you about the hope you have. Be ready to give the reason for it. But do it gently and with respect.  
16 Live so that you don't have to feel you've done anything wrong. Some people may say evil things about your good conduct as believers in Christ. If they do, they will be put to shame for speaking like that about you.  
17 It is better to suffer for doing good than for doing evil if that's what God wants. 1

8 Christ died for sins once and for all time. The One who did what is right died for those who don't do right. He died to bring you to God. His body was put to death. But the Holy Spirit brought him back to life.  
19 By means of the Spirit, Christ went and preached to the spirits in prison. 20 Long ago they did not obey. God was patient while Noah was building the ark. He waited, but only a few people went into the ark. A total of eight were saved by means of water. 21 The water of the flood is a picture of the baptism that now saves you also. The baptism I'm talking about has nothing to do with removing dirt from your body. Instead, it promises God that you will keep a clear sense of what is right and wrong. Jesus Christ has saved you by rising from the dead. 22 He has gone into heaven. He is at God's right hand. Angels, authorities, and powers are under his control.  


I know it's hard but it really does work if it's done with consistency.  Obviously, there are times when the assault can become physically threatening.  Safety is a priority, so remove yourself from possible physical harm.  Verbal attacks can be just as harmful as physical attacks to our spirits, but if we learn how to respond as Christ did, maybe we can be His instrument for peace.

http://youtu.be/EPDPUoxylP4 - Be Still My Soul - Selah




"arguing photo"  from http://www.helpfromsurvivors.com/

Depending on Jesus

http://youtu.be/0vdLi8h-xdI - Dependence - Jamie Slocum


Psalm 51:15-17
Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.


Have you ever been broken by your sins? 


That's what God is looking for.  He wants us to understand that we need His help to live honorably.
I've cried many tears over my sins.  I have felt "broken", like I could never be whole again because of the things I've done that hurt people I loved the most.  I thought that's what "broken" meant.  And I do think God wants me to be very aware of the times I fail to live my best life.  But HE doesn't want me to wallow in shame and regret.  He wants me to learn from my past so I can look to Him for help to do better the next time.


Listen to this excerpt from Jennifer Kennedy Dean's He Restores My Soul:
"The Scriptures call your human nature, when it is acting on it's own power, your flesh.  The flesh must be broken so the Spirit of God in you can surface.  Your old patterns of thinking and acting have to be broken so that the real power can emerge.  Your old nature, your flesh, is a hindrance to you.  Paul called it a dead weight, like a dead body you have to drag around. 


What a wretched man I am? Who will rescue me from this body of flesh?"  Romans 7:24.

Dead weight slows you down.  God wants to free you from the dead weight of your flesh.  Brokenness is the way to that freedom.

The psalmist expressed that God loves a broken heart, that He desires a broken heart.  "A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" Psalm 51:17 

• The term broken heart does not mean sadness.  It means a soul whose self-life has been exposed and its hold broken by the Spirit's power. 
• Brokenness does not mean great sorrow.  A person can be sorrowful without being broken.  Brokenness does not mean humiliation.  A person can be humiliated and not be broken. 
• Brokenness does not mean discouragement.  A person can be discouraged and still not be broken.

 
Brokenness is an ongoing process.  Daily the Spirit of God is revealing elements of the old nature still in operation.  He is bringing out into the open fleshly ways of thinking and acting so He can break their hold over you, leaving you free to experience the victorious life of Christ in you.

True brokenness means losing all faith in your own abilities, abandoning all dependence on human resources, and disavowing all outward pretensions of righteousness to cling to the Spirit of God as if to a lifeline.  The broken person - the person wholly dependent upon that indwelling life - will find that all of the resources of heaven and all of the Spirit's power are now at his disposal and, unless heaven's riches can be exhausted or the Spirit's power can be found wanting, he cannot come up short.

A broken person knows that God is the only worthwhile goal.  A broken person stands before God as a living offering and declares,

"You are my one desire."

Brokenness awakes us to our need for God.   I cannot do this life on my own.  My ways lead to destruction and heartache.  But praise God!  I am broken!  I know who I am and that's not so encouraging.  BUT, I know the answer to my brokenness.  Christ Jesus!!!

Romans 7:17-8:5

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Life Through the Spirit

8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

⁵ Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for making a way when there seems to be no way.  Thank You for being so faithful and merciful, to me, a sinner.   Take my life, renew a right spirit in me.  Help me to give You full reign in everything I think, say or do.  My life I give as a living sacrifice to You. 

Psalm 51
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

What's a little rain?

Paul endured more suffering and hardships than most of us will ever have to endure.  He knew how to get through those times - He relied completely on the Lord Jesus who never failed to provide comfort in all his troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-11
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

⁸ We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹ as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

As Paul attempted to encourage the Corinthian believers who were surrounded with all kinds of evil, he reminded them of the comfort he always found by trusting Christ to bring him through any struggle.   In fact, he recognized that the very struggles he endured through the strength and power of Christ, those same struggles provided a means for him to encourage and comfort others who were dealing with the same difficulties.  "we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  

Too many times, we blame God for our struggles which is exactly Satan's scheme - he causes all kins of chaos in our lives to pull us away from the ONE who can get us through anything.  Our battle is not against God.  It is against the Enemy.  Remember the struggles and suffering Job endured?  Those things were from Satan - not from God.  Yes, God allowed the suffering, but don't miss this important thing.  He trusted Job to stay faithful.  Maybe He trusts you to stand firm in the struggles He allows in your life.  Job was a powerful witness for God and we can be too, when we face struggles by putting all our trust in Him.

Although I don't believe God causes our suffering, I do  believe that God sometimes allows suffering in our lives to continue in order to strengthen our dependence on Him. Suffering can also increase our ability to have compassion and mercy towards others who are enduring the same type of struggle. 

But why wouldn't He in His omnipotence just remove every one's suffering?  He is showing us how to love one another and nothing draws people together better than difficult times.  When our friends or family hurt, we draw near to offer our help.   The person who is suffering feels loved and comforted.  Relationships are created out of the struggles.  And every time we rely of Jesus to carry us through the struggles, every time we turn to Him for comfort and strength to handle the circumstance, someone is watching and learning about the amazing comfort found in Christ.

The NLT translation living bible note on this passage is very good:

"Many think that when God comforts us, our troubles should go away.  But if that were always so, people would turn to God only out of a desire to be relieved of pain and not out of love for Him.  We must understand that being "comforted" can also mean receiving strength, encouragement, and hope to deal with our troubles.  The more we suffer, the more comfort God gives us.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, allow God to comfort you.  Remember that every trial you endure will help you comfort other people who are suffering similar troubles."

God created us for relationship - with HIM and with others. The greatest command is to Love the Lord with all our hearts, minds and souls.  The second - to loves others as we love ourselves.  Unfortunately, we humans don't always find it easy to love like Jesus loves - unconditionally.  But what I've experienced is that when someone is struggling with the same struggles I have faced in life, I'm drawn to them.  I want them to know there is hope in Christ.  A kinship is formed because I understand their pain and struggle.  I want to comfort them as I have been comforted by Christ.  An amazing thing begins to happen.  I begin to love that person and care about what happens to them. 
So the very struggle that I endured has become a platform to help me reach out in love to others.

Paul's struggles were much more noble than mine.  His were struggles were because of his testimony for Christ.  Some have struggles because of illness and things out of their control.  My struggles have been against my own human nature.  But I see how God in His gracious kindness has used my darkest moments to draw me to Himself and others.

http://youtu.be/kseRKxkq5iY - Bring the Rain - Mercy Me

I couldn't help but notice the last portion of this passage:
¹⁰ He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹ as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

When we see someone suffering we can offer comfort and encouragement because we, too, have endured suffering and received comfort from Christ.  But look at what else we can do.  We can pray!
Paul said that our prayers for others actually helps them.  And God answers prayer.

Instead of fighting and complaining about our difficult circumstances, maybe we can learn to trust God to strengthen us through the circumstance.  Maybe our struggles are blessings in disguise.

I love the words of this song -

"Bring me joy, bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free, b
ring me anything that brings You glory.
And I know they'll be days
when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise You, 
Jesus, bring the rain!"