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| My "perfect" child went through a period when he was hurting. He felt alone and unloved. How could I not see? |
When Tyler was in middle school, he went through a period of time when he felt alone and unloved. He wore black all the time. Larry and I thought it was just because he was trying to find himself - some fashion statement that would make him special.
But he was hurting. We saw what we wanted to see. He was always surrounded by friends who loved him; he had parents who thought he was amazing. Yet this 12 year old boy felt alone.
In high school he shared some of the feelings he had had when in middle school. His English paper began: "There is no God and if there is he doesn't care about me." Now that will get a mom's attention. He continued to explain how depressed and discouraged he had felt, that is until someone noticed. His friend Ben took the time to really listen to Tyler. When Ben asked how Tyler was, he didn't let Tyler get off with "I'm fine." He knew something more was going on. Ben showed Tyler that someone did care Someone besides his parents. After all, according to Tyler, we had to care because we were his mom and dad. Ben started asking him questions about the bible, making him think about spiritual things. A funny thing happened, Tyler started seeing God's goodness and love. He began to realize that God had put Ben in his life to point Tyler to Jesus. God really did love Tyler after all.
Just this week, I've learned a valuable lesson about making rash judgments. I've been reminded that everyone has got junk that they are dealing with.
Violence at home
Drug Addiction
Illness in the family
Death of a loved one
Financial hardship
Marriage problems
These are just a few of the situations I've seen this week that people around me are dealing with. Had I not taken the time to show interest in the lives of others, I would not have known that the man who tends to fly into a verbal rage when things get stressful - that man is dealing with a child addicted to drugs and he doesn't know how to help. The woman who seems distracted and unable to focus on anything - her husband beat her up and her kids had to stop him from hurting her. Her marriage may be over and that weighs heavy on her. Or what about the woman who has a family of her own but still must go every day to the nursing home to make sure her mom is okay?
This week, I had a prayer request for a family whose 18-year-old son had been swimming with friends and he drown. That's what they're dealing with this week and the rest of their lives. Everyone is dealing with something and that "something" can affect how they act around us. Maybe if I realized how much others are hurting, I might be more compassionate and less quick to be offended or angry at things they do or say.
Mark 6:34
“And Jesus, when he came out, saw many people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd, and he began to teach them many things.”
Someday, I want to do a search of all the times that the Bible tells us that Jesus was moved with compassion. Doesn't this verse just touch your heart? Our Savior, the Son of God, has great compassion for the hurting and the lost. "He saw many people and was moved with compassion towards them because they were as sheep not having a shepherd". Do I see what Jesus saw when I walk into a room, or when I'm shopping at the mall when I'm at work or school, or sitting in church? Do I have compassion when I walk among the lost in my community? Or do I walk right past without giving them a second thought?
People are hurting, but they don't trust others enough to open up. We're consumed with looking good on the outside, and we hide who we really are. We put on our masks and only show the world what we think will be "acceptable". And why do we play these games? We do it so that people will like us and respect us, and maybe, just maybe they will be our "friend". How many of us truly let others see who we really are - on the inside?
Being transparent is scary. It means no more secrets. No more lies. No more pretending. That's not easy for most of us. We are afraid that if our friends knew the truth, they wouldn't be our friends anymore.
How truthful are you when you go out into the world?
If you and I aren't always truthful about what's really going on in our lives and the struggles we're facing, don't you think that there are lots of people just like us who look good on the outside but on the inside, they are falling apart?
We are isolating ourselves from people who just might surprise us and be more than willing to come alongside offering encouragement and understanding. And even worse, when we don't open up and share our struggles, we may miss opportunities to help someone else who is going through the same thing we've already gone through and survived. When we are transparent and real, we open the doors for others to be transparent, too.
Galatians 6:1-3
Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
1. If I see a fellow believer overcome by sin, Jesus says to gently
and humbly to try and help that person find his way back.
2. When I try to help someone who is struggling, I must be on guard less I
fall into the same sin.
3. Jesus wants me to help others who are burdened - to come along side
and help them to get through the struggle.
4. And if God puts someone on my path who needs help, I should never
think I'm too busy or too important to stop and help, however I can.
This is the law of Christ. He taught his disciples to help others, whether it
was a physical need or a spiritual need. And we are to be His Hands and Feet.
And don't underestimate the people around you. You may just be surprised at how much they care and how willing they are to help if you share your struggles. You might just find out that they need some encouragement, too. And when we help each other, we become the true Body of Christ.
Holy Father, give me Your eyes for the hurting and suffering around me. Help me to really see each person you put in my life every day, whether it's the cashier at the grocery store or man who cut me off in traffic. Let me see those crossings of paths as opportunities to be Jesus to a hurting world. Lord Jesus, You were never too busy to help others. You were never too tired. Please forgive me when I think that what I have to do this day is more important than taking a few minutes to encourage a friend who is suffering. Lord, teach me to listen, really listen not just to the words someone says, but to the unspoken words, the body language that clearly shows pain. Lord, I realize that I may not be the one to help every friend who is struggling in silence. Not everyone will be able to open up to me, but Lord, help me at least give them the option of letting people know I care.
I've got a long way to go, Lord. I need You to prompt me to put myself out there so that others won't see me as someone who has never struggled. I want people to know that I have struggled and You've gotten me through every time. I will be Your witness. You are so faithful. I love You, Lord. May my life reflect Your goodness and kindness and compassion to everyone you put in my life. It's in Your precious Name, Jesus, that I ask these things. Amen.
This song says it so much better than I can. Mark of Casting Crowns shares how he felt as a young boy growing up around "perfect Christians". If we never let down our masks, if all people see is our plastic church faces, we will miss out on opportunities to witness for Christ. If others don't know how God continually gives us victory over our own struggles, they may think there is no hope for them. But when they see that we aren't perfect, we are just forgiven, they might just want to know our Savior and experience the Peace that only He can give.
Thank God that Ben took the time to see Tyler through Jesus's eyes. Thank God for putting Ben in the right place at the right time so that he could speak Life into Tyler's life. Because Ben cared enough to be the hands and feet of Jesus, Tyler came to know his Savior in a powerful way. Tyler is now committed to living his life for Christ. He knows the love of God - personally. He has been forever changed because someone cared enough to see with Jesus's eyes.
I'm so proud of Tyler. Since that day when he began to fully understand how much he is loved - not just by his parents and family, not just by friends, but by his heavenly Father, he has been a faithful witness to God's love and compassion. He sees others with Jesus' eyes, just like Ben did. Tyler has a powerful testimony. Just ask him. God is using him to help others, just like He used Ben.
http://youtu.be/tA0sJXOGeNE - Stained glass Masquerade - Casting Crowns
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade.
Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is CONVINCING
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
Chorus x2
Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
